Eliot and I celebrated our second anniversary together as husband and wife on January 3 of this year. We went to this yummy Italian restaurant and got to reflecting/talking. At some point during our conversation, Eliot asked me how my walk with the Lord has been and I broke down crying as I realized more and more that I’ve been viewing the Heavenly Father wrongly. I hadn’t been viewing Him for who He fully is with all of His attributes in light of Scripture. I realized that I was only viewing Him as a Sovereign Ruler and neglecting the Truth that He is a fully loving, good, gracious and gentle Father, too. I was fearing Him but not freely loving or delighting in Him. I had no problem believing that Jesus loved me and was gentle with me because I know that He died for me, but I had forgotten that the Trinity is completely intertwined and always working together in all things, and that God the Father is the One who sent Jesus IN LOVE. The Father is the source of all love.
John Owen spoke directly to my heart when he said, “It is God’s will that he should always be seen as gentle, kind, tender, loving, and unchangeable. It is his will that we see him as the Father, and the great fountain and reservoir of all grace and love. This is what Christ came to reveal. Christ came to reveal God as a Father (John 1:18).” I praise God for revealing this to me, convicting me, and drawing me closer to Himself through this season of seeking Him for who He truly is. Soon after I came to this realization, the Lord reminded me of this precious memory that happened just two days before our anniversary:
Eliot was holding Graham as we sang worship songs at Church. As we sang the lyrics, “You had mercy, mercy on me. Now I am a sinner, a sinner made clean,” I looked over at Graham as he was resting his head on his Daddy’s chest. Eliot’s arms were wrapped around him while they were swaying back and forth to this beautiful Gospel song we were singing. Eliot is so proud to be Graham’s daddy, he delights in him so much and loves him with all he has. He would do anything for him. This is the way that God the Father is with me because of what Christ has done for me on the Cross. He loves and delights in me just the same as He does in Jesus. He loves His children so much that He sent Jesus, His perfect Son, to die for our sins so that we could have eternal life with Him forever and ever!! He wraps me up in His arms, He is tender and gentle and gracious and loving towards me. That moment was one of the most beautiful and influential moments in my walk with the Lord and it will be a picture etched on my heart and in my memory all the days of my life. I was crying when it happened and I’ve cried every time I’ve thought about it. The Father is so good!! I want to delight in Him and look at Him the way Graham looks at his daddy. I am so unworthy of the Lord’s love for me, yet He loves me despite all of my sins and failures. May I (and you) know and believe with all of your heart that if you are in Christ, the Father loves you with an everlasting love and desires for you to love him with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength!
“Have no fears or doubts about his love for you. The greatest sorrow and burden you can lay on the Father, the greatest unkindness you can do to him is not to believe that he loves you.” // John Owen, Communion with the Triune God //